That Lingering Thought

So its been a while since I've blogged. That's because its been a while since I've actually thought of something worthwhile to blog. So here it is.

Have you ever had one of the experiences where you have two choices; Do or not do. And after you choose not to, there's always that question in your mind that lets ideas thrash your consciousness into only thinking about it? It seems like such an easy decision. Just pick [A] or [B] and logically and mathematically you have a 50% chance of getting a right answer. But life's not that simple. The "right" answer isn't always what we believe sometimes. After we make our decision it continues to pester us. Sometimes you even think that the other choice would have been better? Even to the point that you still remember it many years later and recalling upon that experience and say to your kids in a story they will find mundanely boring and try to teach them a life lesson out of it? That tormenting question of "What if...?"

And so today was one of those days. Walking home after helping some new interns at VCAT, it was getting late already and the sky was cloudy. Dead phone. No ride. Just walking home at 6 PM just taking time to reflect on my day and day dream a bit. Then I can't help but think it would be pretty cool if I randomly met someone in trouble and would be able to help them out and I'd be like a hero or something. Just those random fleeting fantasies that shimmer in and out of the mind. Honestly, it just helps pass the time till I get home. I couldn't use music to do that job because my phone was dead.

So as I round the corner, almost at home, I see a girl, who looked to be about high school age sitting on the corner. Me, I'm just wondering who this is and why is she sitting out here alone. Her, as soon as she notices me approaching the corner turns immediately to me and asks if I have a phone. I respond with the fact that mine is dead, which turns out to be her situation. So I find out that she works for Times Herald and goes door to door to get subscriptions and her boss drops her off at different locations and she calls when she's done. Only problem is, dead phone = having to wait on that sidewalk forever. So as I offer to let her use the one at my house, as its not too far down the street, she checks with another lady who was working in her garage first if she could use the phone, and she tells me its ok because she can use the phone.

So I say bye and I walk back to my house. Then I think: Is it really right to just leave a girl by her self on a empty street like in my neighborhood? i get to my house, check in with my uncle and start setting down my stuff. The whole time the question of "Should I go back to make sure she gets picked up safely?" nagging at me in my mind. "What will happen to her?" "What if....etc etc" So I head back out and head to the corner again.

So this time I see her there again and this time I meet up with her have have a conversation. This is actually the point where I realize that she works for Times Herald. She also tells me she has a partner walking around doing a different section of the neighborhood. We talk for a bit until she actually gets picked up. And when she does I feel accomplished.

Then another question pops up in my mind. "What if I asked her about part time jobs?" I dismiss it as ridiculous and head back home.

After cleaning up and starting to cook some rice and chili, I hear a door bell. I go to the door and I see a guy holding news papers. I realize he mush be the partner. He asks if my parents are home, and I say that my aunt just left, then I add on to say "Hi" to your partner n such. Then he leaves. I shut the door.

Then the question hits me again. "What if I asked for a part time job?"


So. Is it really worth it to actually take the risk sometimes and just do it? Is it worth not doing it, avoiding possible embarrassment or failure, and having to live with that question in your mind? Sometimes you just need to take a risk sometimes and do it rather than being left in the dark world of not knowing. I have plenty of those experiences in my mind. They drag me back to my memories of the past and make me wonder. What if.....